Walkers Do ME A Flavour

Here I sit broken hearted. broken by the hope that something would replace the malodorous cheese and onion or the mouth stinging salt and vinegar which if we are honest resembled battery acid over vinegar and the first lungful of water on a family trip to the beach.



While I could have gone for my normal modus operandi and sat alone and said they all tasted awful I decided to do a more scientific job. I took two willing volunteers (to be fair they didn’t know Walkers had in store for them) sat them around with scoring cards and bowls little glasses of water and surprisingly necessary spittoons. then the grand tasting began the first was the "Crispy Duck" my personal favourite out of a bad lot but described as



"bland and cardboardy"



second the almost acceptable Cajun squirrel which despite its namesake contains noting even close to a squirrel was labelled thusly and succinctly as

"Mud"



third and halfway through this terror and turmoil was what I can only describe as the worst taste to grace gods green earth. Guessed it?



Yep Fish and Chips. Why did the people at walkers think they could go with a fish flavour without it tasting like a boat trailers wheels after a long day on the docks. Described as



"The taste of a mouldy seal applied to the foulest piece of newspaper"

And with such hope for the British staple.



fourth and with two clean spittoons and new water all around we took on chilli chocolate which despite being a sweet treat of which I am most fond does not convert well to strips of fried potato I'm afraid, edible but, well you just wouldn’t want to unless you want that "Smoky Jam" taste.



Fifth and nearly over was Builders Breakfast. Jesus what better a whole greasy breakfast suitable for builders and hung-over students only, and I mean only. Don’t bother with these unless you like the taste neigh the idea of old undercooked eggs running into skin covered old beans.



"Thoroughly unkind to the mouth ... and nose"



Last but certainly not least Onion Bhaji



splendidly described as potato dipped in a swimming pool with one onion bhaji in it, or something to that effect. The onion bhaji may be the least repellent flavour of the lot. yes its bland, mildly unpleasant and a disgrace to the curry house fave but forced to choose (in some sort of Sophie’s choice scenario) they definitely seem the most popular, described as



"The mercy of blandness that hide the hideously substandard flavour beneath"



all in all not Walkers finest hour we sought a new flavour for the junk snack history of Britain, we found badly flavoured, poorly made, and badly researched potato chips



Forgive me walkers but you have let yourselves down.



Samuel